Marc's Mortgage Matter's

The Federal Housing Administration, which is either running out of money or is fine, depending on who you ask, is raising some eyebrows by insuring mortgages for apartments at a 98-unit Gramercy Park development in New York. The insurance enables buyers to make a down payment of as little as 3.5% in a building where apartments are listed at $820,000 to $3 million. Of course the developers of the project think its fine that the FHA, founded during the Great Depression, has the ability to do this. In Southern California, where the median home price is $300,000 (well above the national average), about 40% of the loans in the last 16 months have been insured by the FHA. Critics believe that it is time for HUD to brush off the FHA's mission statement.

It is rumored that large lenders are beginning to feel that property flips may represent an unacceptable risk. For example, flips create quick and substantial profits for the property sellers, but potentially high losses for the investor, and the properties are typically located in areas with a high percentage of distress sales. Investors believe that second home occupancy is often dubious, and borrowers who purchase investment properties out of flip transactions are often gullible, inexperienced in property management and unfamiliar with the area where they are buying. The projected rental income may not be realistic because of an imbalance between rental properties and available tenants, or borrowers may be attracted by supposed guaranteed rental income not disclosed to the lender - which is unacceptable. There is a high potential for severe property abuse by foreclosed borrowers, vandals or squatters, and some properties purchased from institutional sellers do not include interior inspections that would discover plumbing or electrical problems. And often times any renovation is merely cosmetic.

What's the difference between a "mortgage" versus a "deed of trust"?   A mortgage, used in playing Monopoly or in the securities business, is not used in California - but it is used in many other states (NY/NJ). California is a "deed of trust" state. Taking a step back, when a borrower signs a promissory note, he is agreeing to pay the lender a specific amount of money according to certain conditions. The borrower will sign either a mortgage or a deed of trust, securing the note and offering protection to the lender. (Remember that a deed conveys title & ownership of the property.) In "title theory" states, a mortgage is used and it conveys ownership to the lender. A clause in the mortgage provides that title reverts back to the borrower when the loan is paid. In "lien theory" states, the mortgage creates a lien only on the property and the title remains with the borrower. The lien is removed when all the payments have been made.

One basic difference between the mortgage and a Deed of Trust is that in doing a mortgage two parties are involved (the lender and the borrower) whereas with a DOT there are three parties involved: the borrower, the lender, and a trustee. In a DOT, the borrower conveys title to a trustee who will hold title to the property for the benefit of the lender. The title remains in trust until the loan is paid off, with a title company, escrow company, or bank usually listed as trustee and issuing a trustee's reconveyance showing that the lender's interest has ended upon pay off.

More pertinent now, unfortunately, is the difference in how foreclosures are handled. Servicing companies know that, although state law will determine the method of foreclosure. The rules when using a DOT allow for a faster foreclosure time than with a judicial foreclosure required with a mortgage. Under a Deed of Trust, when the borrower defaults on the loan, the lender delivers the Deed of Trust to the trustee, who then is instructed to sell the property at a trustee's sale. 

Economic growth has weakened to the point where we now have 1.6% GDP readings as bookends to the year-old recovery. After the deep recession, any positive growth readings are of course welcome, but the very muted pace of growth in the second quarter of 2010 isn't warm enough to feel much different than the recession did.

Addressing the audience at the annual Economic Symposium in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke detailed the Fed's disappointment with the present rate of growth, and stock markets were cheered that he took pains to express both optimism for the coming year and that the Fed still has tools it can employ to ward off deflation or even a double-dip recession. Frankly, what else could he say?

Just as 1.6% growth is insufficient to produce much economic heat, cheap mortgage rates alone are insufficient to produce recovery in the housing market. Along with the broad economic slowdown, the hangover from the homebuyer tax credit "party" has become increasingly apparent. Arguments about its benefits or drawbacks aside, there can be no doubt that the credit has produced distortion in the housing market.

Existing Home Sales dropped by a shocking 27.2% in July, landing at a pace far weaker than expected. The 3.83 million annualized pace was the worst reading of either the recession or the recovery. Meanwhile, the slump in demand means that available supply ballooned up to 12.5 months, a level certain to put renewed downward pressure on home prices. Given the size of the drop from June's 5.26m rate, there is some hope that next month will bring an upward revision, but even if it does, homebuying has come to a virtual standstill.

There is perhaps a little irony in that among the worst housing markets in memory comes what might be the best refinancing opportunity ever... provided you can make it over the hurdles needed to access today's fantastic mortgage rates. Unfortunately, too few borrowers can, and while refinancing activity has picked up to a fair degree, the aggregate amount of activity so far is small relative to other refi booms and boomlets. With about 11 million borrowers underwater to some degree, there are a lot of people who might wish to refinance but cannot, and probably many millions more who lack the steady income needed to qualify.

We seem to be in a vicious little trap at the moment in a number of ways. There's not enough job growth to produce the kind of consumer spending which can produce more and more self-sustaining growth. There aren't more jobs available because there isn't enough final demand to produce them. Due to that lack of growth and a lack of inflation, we have fantastic rates for borrowers who either lack the confidence or income to take advantage of them to buy homes, and we have millions of folks who would love access to those rates but cannot qualify to borrow... because they have no jobs, or because others have no jobs to produce the kind of growth which would serve to create demand to firm home prices... and around we go.

We certainly hope that the swoon to a 1.6% GDP rate in the second quarter was a temporary one. The ugly news from July and August doesn't give us a great feeling about the potential for a huge increase in that rate for the third quarter. On the bright side, there is still more than a month to go, and there have been a few indications here and there that we could finish the period more strongly than we began it.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, Jill became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Jill tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, Jill could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today." (Is that a great quote, or what?) At the start of the year, not only were the smartest guys in the room talking about how mortgage rates would go up when the Fed ended their $1.2 trillion purchase program, but that rates would be going up in general given the expected economic rebound. Of course, neither turned out to be true. And yet, another refi boom, albeit open only for borrowers with equity, job, luck, and decent credit.


Last weeks economic news did nothing to suggest that higher rates will arise in the near future - assuming foreign investors don't mind the US's level of debt compared to GDP. Take Leading Economic Indicators, for example, coming in +.1% but lower than many had hoped. LEI is comprised of 10 series: the factory workweek, new consumer goods orders, nondefense capital goods orders, stock prices, the Treasury yield curve, initial jobless claims, vendor deliveries, building permits, consumer expectations and M2 money supply. Five of the 10 indicators in the leading index contributed to the increase in July, led by the interest-rate spread between the overnight federal funds rate and the yield on the 10-year Treasury note. An increase in the factory workweek and longer delivery times also added to the monthly gauge. Four components retreated, including a drop in consumer expectations and fewer building permits.

The Philadelphia Federal General Economic Index, which like most numbers pales in comparison to the overall European debt crisis, for example, was yet another sign of a slow economy here in the US. It fell to minus 7.7 this month, the lowest reading since July 2009, from 5.1 in July - shrinking for the first time in a year. (Readings less than zero signal contraction in the area covering eastern Pennsylvania, southern New Jersey and Delaware.)

"Zillow", which for better or worse certainly seems to generate a large number of economic indicators, announced that "Homeowner Confidence in Real Estate Market Dips; 1 in 3 Think Worst Is Yet to Come, While 38% Think Local Home Values Have Reached Bottom."

However, For better news, after touching 2010 lows a couple weeks ago, the level of Consumer Comfort reported by the ABC News/Washington Post survey has bumped back up for the past two. The two-tick improvement to minus 45 for the week ending August 15 puts us back at mid-July levels and about mid-range for the year.

This week, we'll likely see the continuing distortion to the housing market from this Spring's tax credit. Both new and existing home sales are due to be reported and it's hard to see how there would be any substantial improvement given the economic situation. Another couple of regional looks at manufacturing activity are also due, but we'll be more interested to see the revised report for second quarter GDP. The initial estimate was 2.4%, but we think we'll be lucky to hang on to a 2% figure. A one-point-something report may give mortgage rates some new space to fall...but any additional decline might not last. Mortgage specialists are starting to get a little busy, so if you're jumping into a refinance, you may need to have a little patience.

Rates were steady this week, but given the behavior of other influential yields we think they have a little room to fall even before next week's data come out. Or, they could climb a bit too - rates in the 4's though are nuts enough to lock in now so if you are closing within the next 30 days you should have locked a rate by now. 

IT'S SO HOT IN GEORGIA ....... ....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. ....the trees are whistling for the dogs. ....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. ....hot water comes from both taps. ....you can make sun tea instantly. ....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. ....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly. ....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car. ....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. ....you actually burn your hand opening the car door. ....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M. ....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"? ....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage. ....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter. ....the cows are giving evaporated milk. ....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.



IT'S SO DRY IN GEORGIA............ That the Baptist are starting to baptize by sprinkling, The Methodists are using wet-wipes, Presbyterians are giving rain checks, And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!

So all is not rosy for originators, or borrowers looking for mortgages, in spite of the current (and expected for a long time) low rates. Home sales in many areas are down in general, and a segment of the population who owned more than one place a few years ago has been jettisoning houses. As everyone knows, often times the equity is not there in the property, and/or potential borrowers continue to want to sit on cash if they think that property values are going to sink more. The HARP (program) has helped hundreds of thousands of borrowers lower their payments, since it allows for 125% on a refi. But anyone with a 2nd mortgage has a problem in that many lenders either won't subordinate, drag their feet, or charge unusual fees to do so - not exactly conducive to the lending process.

You can talk about the global economic news until the cows come home (although I've never had a cow come home), but few out there will disagree that the US economy is slow, is expected to be slow for quite some time, and that rates are benefitting from it. Following the Fed's Tuesday announcement, economists scaled down their forecasts for GDP, talked about how unemployment will be with us well into the future, and wrung their hands over the housing market. Last Wednesday's trade figures did nothing to change that, nor did Jobless Claims, and in fact reconfirmed the "slow economy" outlook to the point of pushing the DOW down for four days last week.

Below is a good analysis on last weeks epic Tuesday Fed meeting.

The Federal Reserve undertook steps to help long-term interest rates to be more stable and lower than they would otherwise have been when they initiated programs to purchase both MBS and Treasury obligations in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Those programs came to a close at varying intervals over the past year and generally had the desired effect on rates and credit availability.

Since the end of the MBS program, the Fed has spent considerable time talking about how it would reduce the size of its balance sheet over time -- and do so without disturbing the markets for fixed-income investments. On Tuesday they unveiled a new wrinkle, and mortgage rates reacted with another downward shift. This decline was probably related more toward a loss of optimism about the economy and reduction in concerns over inflation than any anticipated support for mortgage markets.

The Fed announced on Tuesday that instead of shrinking its balance sheet from over $2 trillion, it will instead change the composition of its holdings and keep their books at present levels for some time. As the mortgages it holds are paid off -- through refinancings or by borrowers moving -- the Fed will take those monies and purchase more Treasury obligations. It was expected that these mortgage holdings would run off at about a $200 billion annual rate, but with low mortgage rates in the market and high levels of refinancing, that run rate may be picking up. If the Fed simply retired those funds and shrank its holdings of debt it would represent a kind of tightening of economic policy as the global economy's capacity for debt would have been reduced measurably.

In general, it is a small, symbolic move -- but one which could produce great value to the Fed as time progresses. With this program operating again, the Fed would find it easier to expand its holdings if need be; it can change its mix of purchases to influence rates of differing maturities for the benefit of different audiences... and even re-include MBS purchases down the road should it become necessary. With outstanding rates already in the market, that probably won't need to occur anytime soon; in fact, the Fed's move to snap up Treasury debt may serve to increase interest and private investment in higher-yielding MBS, and so indirectly help keep mortgage rates low. Purchases are slated to begin next week.

Whatever boost to the economy accrues to this program will surely be welcome. None of the economic news has been particularly good over the past ten to twelve weeks and there was certainly little to cheer in the latest batch.

Retail Sales for July were lackluster at best. The 0.4% gain failed to meet expectations, and was half the headline amount once auto sales were excluded. The back-to-school shopping season seems to be off to a very sluggish start as weak job markets and income gains make substantial new spending a challenge for many parents this year. 


The weekly ABC News/Washington Post poll of Consumer Comfort rose from 2010 lows by three ticks during the week ending August 8, and the preliminary August Consumer Sentiment figure from the University of Michigan managed a 1.9 point gain, too. Falling though much of July, perhaps the receipt of "extended" unemployment benefits in the last week or two has served to stabilize moods, now that some money is again coming into households.

Mortgage rates continue their slow grind down into record territory. Since mid May, the total cumulative decline now amounts to only a half-percentage point, but the decline has been more or less regular since that time. Low rates are certainly enjoyable, but come as a result of a terribly weak recovery, and we'd gladly see a half-percentage-point increase in rates (back to mid-May levels) in exchange for a one percentage point drop in the unemployment rate -- or a couple hundred thousand fewer layoffs each week. 

For our part, we'll be most interested in the trend in credit tightening (or loosening) revealed in the coming Senior Loan Officer opinion survey from the Fed. At last count, tightening had all but stopped in the residential sector and we'll be keen to see if we've yet nudged over to the easier credit side of the line. It probably did, and this would be an expression of modestly better times to come for homebuyers and refinancers. More next week.

Marc Preger started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA) After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with gas (from SAUDI ARABIA) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM THE PRESIDENT.

Let me start off by saying that i do not believe the rumor that the international olympic committee has taken back skier lindsey vonn's gold medal, and instead awarded it to president barack obama, announcing that no one has ever gone downhill faster than he has.

If, as a kid, I had ever been caught cheating my younger cousin during Monopoly, I would have been in big trouble. Perhaps I could have countered, "I deny all allegations of wrongdoing and any liability under the Monopoly rules. But I will give him some money to avoid the additional time, hassle, and uncertainty associated with arguing about it."  For Countrywide, a judge has approved a $600 million settlement with shareholders. "Countrywide denies all allegations of wrongdoing and any liability under the federal securities laws," said Shirley Norton, a spokeswoman for Bank of America. "We agreed to the settlement to avoid the additional expense and uncertainty associated with continued litigation." BofA will pony up $600 million, and KPMG, Countrywide's accounting firm, will pay $24 million. The settlement does not end the legal problems, since the Securities and Exchange Commission brought civil fraud charges against Angelo Mozilo and the two other former executives.

The first week of the month has rolled around again, and although it's a brand-new month it seems we have the same old economic story we've had for the past few: Slow growth, no jobs and low mortgage rates. Not only are jobs hard to come by, remaining employed is difficult, too. During the week ending July 31, another 479,000 new applications for unemployment assistance were filed, the highest level of the last couple of months and much closer to the top of 2010's range than to the bottom.

As is to be expected in such a climate, the unemployment rate remains high. In July, the official rate of unemployment was an unchanged 9.5%, while the economy shed another 131,000 jobs last month, almost all from the public sector. The loss of jobs over the last two months has offset all the gains from January through March, leaving only strong Census hiring in May and June as positives for the year. Private payrolls expanded by 71,000 during the month and there is little by way of an upsurge there, even though it was the best showing in the past three months.

With weak employment comes weak gains in personal income... well, none to be exact. Consumer moods continue to darken. The weekly ABC News/Washington Post poll covering Consumer Comfort fell back again during the week ending August 1, landing at minus-50 for the week and matching its 2010 lows. The again-stumbling economy is clearly having an effect on consumer moods which contributes to more conservative spending patterns, even if a household does have money to spend.

And so it goes. What might spark cheer, and promote growth? Jobs, which are hard to find and will remain so for some time yet to come. That said, we (and many others) long ago identified jobs and underwater mortgages as the two most pressing problems in today's economy. A rumor floated around this week that the administration was readying a plan to offer mortgage principal reduction for certain underwater homeowners. That rumor was quickly quashed -- "a bailout for main street" was one characterization -- but some serious minds need to start considering how to best approach this problem before too much more time passes.

As has been the case for months, mortgage rates are great. If you can get access to the market, it is a great time to buy or refinance. If you're thinking of buying a home with a small down payment, or if you have a middling credit score, you should know that the FHA announced this week forthcoming changes which will affect how much you'll need to put down and how much your mortgage insurance will cost you. Given the gap in underwriting standards between the Conventional/Conforming market and the FHA-backed one, these are relatively minor tweaks, but tightening nonetheless. Contact me for more individual details.

A cowboy from Laramie, Wyoming, walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international rodeo for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the cowboy from Wyoming for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Laramie. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole Wyoming boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"

That line is short and to the point. Generally speaking, markets like news when it is short and to the point - borrowers are different than traders, who are different than investors, who are different than analysts, who are different than economists. So when the Fed Chairman uses the double adjective "unusually uncertain" to describe the economic outlook, one's opinion, and how one reacts to that quote from last week's testimony, will be different. There is no question that rates are great, and much better than many had forecast for this time of year. But if the Federal Reserve doesn't know what the US economy is going to do in the near (or far) future, what are small business owners, builders, etc., supposed to do?

Someone told me, "There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly."   At this point, banks are not shut down three times a week - yet - but only once a week and on Friday's. Another handful of banks were shut down on Friday, pushing the number over 100 for the 2nd straight year. The assets and liabilities of Home Valley Bank (OR) were assumed by South Valley Bank & Trust (OR), CrescentBank & Trust (OR) went to Renasant Bank (MS), Sterling Bank (FL) is now part of Iberiabank (LA), SouthwestUSA Bank (NV) is now part of Plaza Bank (CA), Williamsburg First National Bank (SC) was incorporated into First Citizens Bank & Trust Co. (SC), Community Security Bank (MN) is now part of Roundbank (MN), and (catching my breath) Thunder Bank (KS) became part of Bennington State Bank (also of KS).

A processor wrote to me and said, "Scientists believe that to make a pound of honey, it takes 50,000 miles of bee flight. Now it seems that it takes that many steps in doing a mortgage, with the difference being that bees have had millions of years to adapt."

Some originators moved into offering mortgage relief services. Most are honest business people, but woe to those who aren't - and unfortunately these are the ones that garner the most publicity. Federal regulators (the FTC) have banned eight individuals and companies from selling mortgage-relief services, settling charges that they used false advertising to deceive homeowners facing foreclosure by paying $29 million in fees that they collected from clients. Some of the companies used names that deceived borrowers into believing the firms were participating in the Obama administration's $75 billion mortgage modification effort, known as "Making Home Affordable." Steven Oscherowitz (Federal Loan Modification Law Center), Loss Mitigation Services Inc., Direct Lender, Dean Shafer, Marion Anthony "Tony" Perry, Bernadette Perry, Salvatore and Nicholas Puglia (Hope Now Modifications and Hope Now Financial Services Corp.) were all either banned from the industry and/or required to pay large penalties.

When I think "mortgages" I think of frozen pizza. And vice versa. So I was excited to hear that Chase plans to open new full-service bank branches (including business loans) in 22 Albertsons stores in Southern and Central California this year. Several are already functioning, and Chase plans to add a total of 800 branches in the state by year end. That is a heckuva lot of branches. (800 is also, coincidentally, the number of homes in California where the borrower still has equity.)

Many states (including NY) don't have budgets yet...across the nation, however, the West Virginia Housing Development Fund announced a new mortgage program where 280 first time home buyer families can qualify for 3.5%, 30-year fixed-rate loans with a zero percent down payment. Financing for the program comes from the sale of $35 million in bonds and a special bond refunding. The program covers new or existing houses, duplexes, townhouses and new doublewide mobile/manufactured homes. It does not cover new or used single- and used doublewide homes. Applications will be taken at banks, mortgage brokers and credit unions.

At one point, long ago in the initial stages of the crisis, it was suggested that the Fed or Treasury was seeking to engineer mortgage rates to about 4.5%, which would save the housing market from ruin. As well, we were led to believe that the stimulus plan would serve to cap the unemployment rate at about 8.5%. Neither has turned out to be correct, as we now have mortgage rates in the 4's indeed (thanks to on-going and emerging crises) and the housing market is still weak and troubled, and an 8.5% unemployment rate would be a marked improvement relative to where we stand today.

Low mortgage rates produce benefit only to those who can access them -- namely people with incomes, good credit, equity and more. While some can, many more cannot, because they have no job to produce the income needed to participate in today's markets. Untold additional numbers have little or no equity in their homes and cannot recast their balance sheets through conventional refinancing means.

These two issues -- jobs and underwater homeowners -- are the problems which most need addressing if we are to produce a faster economic recovery. Grandiose health care and financial market overhaul mean very little relative to the problems so many face today, and the regulatory and tax uncertainty inherent in such plans are more than likely serving as additional deterrents to to the kind of hiring which would produce a better economic climate.

Until that better economic climate shows, we'll continue to have low mortgage rates and high unemployment, and continue in this stagnant holding pattern.

How Adam Got Eve:

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history.....